My long history of being NOTHING

I am in my late twenties. Some of my close friends got married and they are even expecting a baby, which is a sweet blessing. By saying so, I am justifying the fact that I am no more part of the youth and again that doesn't mean that I am part of the elderly. I think this is a weird age, an age of understanding and reconciliation. When I was young, people expected a lot from me. People in the sense, both whom I know and whom I don’t know, whom I haven seen and whom I haven’t seen. However, I am now in an age where I could look back and see if I had reached any of their expectations. I carefully looked into various categories of people and what they expected and how I contributed to their expectations.

    The government of my country expected me to become a literate, grow wise, and serve the nation. I did my basic education in my country and then left to another without the gratitude towards serving it. 

    The police expected me to be a nuisance. Every now and then, police stop me on the road but with a license. I have never been a nuisance to the police. 

    Rebels and revolutionists expected me to be a power. I have always been an average student with an average personality and an average thinking. I have never been so emotional about all the social problems in the society. I couldn't help the lone working rebels and revolutionists.

    Friends wanted me to be good and trustworthy. If I would have been any source of goodness, their stupidity would have been a bit more polished.

    My parents, my sisters and my immediate family wanted me to be a good human being and expected me to protect them. While I have failed to do some of my mandatory jobs towards my family, the state of being able to protect them is imaginary.

    Just as how other people expected something out of me, I had my own expectations. Right after my graduation, I wanted to do something to the society in whatever way my ability drives. But, the lack of focus and passion saw me as a failure. Anyway, that all sounds so noble. Forget about it! ....and yea, this is "My Long History of being Nothing"