My long history of being NOTHING

I am in my late twenties. Some of my close friends got married and they are even expecting a baby, which is a sweet blessing. By saying so, I am justifying the fact that I am no more part of the youth and again that doesn't mean that I am part of the elderly. I think this is a weird age, an age of understanding and reconciliation. When I was young, people expected a lot from me. People in the sense, both whom I know and whom I don’t know, whom I haven seen and whom I haven’t seen. However, I am now in an age where I could look back and see if I had reached any of their expectations. I carefully looked into various categories of people and what they expected and how I contributed to their expectations.

    The government of my country expected me to become a literate, grow wise, and serve the nation. I did my basic education in my country and then left to another without the gratitude towards serving it. 

    The police expected me to be a nuisance. Every now and then, police stop me on the road but with a license. I have never been a nuisance to the police. 

    Rebels and revolutionists expected me to be a power. I have always been an average student with an average personality and an average thinking. I have never been so emotional about all the social problems in the society. I couldn't help the lone working rebels and revolutionists.

    Friends wanted me to be good and trustworthy. If I would have been any source of goodness, their stupidity would have been a bit more polished.

    My parents, my sisters and my immediate family wanted me to be a good human being and expected me to protect them. While I have failed to do some of my mandatory jobs towards my family, the state of being able to protect them is imaginary.

    Just as how other people expected something out of me, I had my own expectations. Right after my graduation, I wanted to do something to the society in whatever way my ability drives. But, the lack of focus and passion saw me as a failure. Anyway, that all sounds so noble. Forget about it! ....and yea, this is "My Long History of being Nothing" 

 

REBELLION Vs REVOLUTION

I have been to India recently and I spent considerable amount of time with my parents. On one nice evening, I was sitting on the stairs while my mom had to squeeze through to climb up. Suddenly, she came up with this great idea of re-doing the house because of the fact that it is becoming congested when all of us are around. I didn’t really like the idea and I contradicted her by saying so. My Dad who was sitting a step down to me said that he would like to construct another house else-where. My sister who was listening to this conversation agreed with what I said and supported me by saying that she is against re-doing the house. While the conversation carried, that night I had to rethink what has happened.

I stood against an idea and I contradicted it. While my Dad stood for what he liked and he promoted it. I was then a rebellion because I was AGAINST something that I hated and my Dad was a revolutionist because he stood FOR something that he liked.

Most interesting part is the response of my Sister. She liked my ideas so she agreed with me. I think a large percentage of people including me are like my Sister. We vote for rebels and we don’t consider revolutionists. Probably we might have to love/like people because of what they are for and not because what they are against to. I think revolutionists are always better than rebels, just the way my Dad is.

Citlights !!!

It was 10:30 at night when I started to drive from Romford Road. I was going back to my flat in Basingstoke. If driven to the speed limits, it would take approximately two hours to drive from London to Basingstoke. I had to cross the Dartford Crossing Bridge on the M25, the London orbital. I always liked European Classical music. I am an appreciator of the sorts of Michael Nyman, Boobley and Kenny G. I like Margaret's show "smooth classics at 6" on the Classic FM. I usually hear to Classic FM while I drive. As I drove up the bridge, I could see the London's skyline slowly unveiling. London is beautiful at night. Amazing!!! Citilights!!!

Citilights... few very bright...few very dim... all added together looks amazing!!!  I always reflected my life in the citilights. Each of the citilights relate to various incidents in my life, few very bright and few very dim, some hide and some shine, few made me laugh and few made me think, all added together, it is amazing. If there were no dim lights and all the citilights were bright, I would not imagine they look as attractive as they do. Similarly, if not for those thought provoking, rough incidents in my life, it would not have been such an exciting and beautiful journey so far.